tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-68801485757540268592024-03-13T22:28:10.609-07:00John Addiego, International Guy of MysteryAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.comBlogger34125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-87247790531954989432016-02-04T16:10:00.002-08:002016-02-04T16:10:57.625-08:00<a href="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GHblgDETxj0/VrPnP0Iev9I/AAAAAAAAALQ/HS6CnUAdjk8/s1600/CF%2B-%2BThe%2BJaguar%2BTree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://4.bp.blogspot.com/-GHblgDETxj0/VrPnP0Iev9I/AAAAAAAAALQ/HS6CnUAdjk8/s320/CF%2B-%2BThe%2BJaguar%2BTree.jpg" width="213" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">This Book is Now a NOOK!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Please check it out!</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><u>http://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/the-jaguar-tree-john-addiego/1123354085?ean=2940158053290</u></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-8575771990811858232016-01-19T10:53:00.001-08:002016-01-19T10:53:46.084-08:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
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Dear Guy,<br />
Your blog has been inactive for about three months so I was wondering if you had died. If or when you do die, may I have your Lazy-Boy recliner? I would move it out of your place myself.<br />
Concerned in Corvallis<br />
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Dear Concerned,<br />
I'm not dead. I've been engaged in some top-secret international espionage, which I'm not allowed to tell anybody about. It was in Mexico.<br />
My assignment had to do with tracking the infamous El Chapo, one of the scariest people on earth. In many ways, we each have our own personal El Chapo. For some, a personal El Chapo may be shyness, or hoarding sugar packets, or singing off-key. For many people in Northern Mexico, their personal El Chapo is a drug kingpin who decapitates thousands of innocent people.<br />
It was that last one whom I was sent to locate, and I got a break when Sean Penn and a Mexican starlet were invited to El Chapo's hidden lair. I followed with a hundred pinatas, which I strung above the enclosure as a gift to the great man. The starlet was so sexy she could give cardiac arrest to an armadillo. El Chapo had hopes of wooing her. Fat chance, Gordo.<br />
I'm not allowed to tell you how it turned out, except that we caught our man.<br />
As for the Lazy-Boy, it's already claimed by a friend who often gives me mushrooms he's picked in the local forest.<br />
Hasta la vista, amigo,<br />
GuyAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-51666606925263313072015-10-12T10:06:00.001-07:002015-10-12T10:06:46.025-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
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Dear Guy,<br />
I've been reading Wallace Stegner's <i>Wolf Willow, </i>an autobiography tracing paths of his early life near Whitemud, Saskatchewan, Canada. It's a story about the landscape and history of the opening of the West. Do you know if Stegner ever asked his students (Edward Abbey, Wendell Berry, Ken Kesey, Sandra Day O'Connor and others) this question: "If a chicken-and-a-half lays an egg-and-a-half in a day-and-a-half, how many eggs will nine chickens lay in ten days?"<br />
And what if he did: would you?<br />
Joe Yak from East of Tomales<br />
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Dear Joe,<br />
It was actually Stegner's student (Ken Kesey) who posed this question to another of the students you mention (Sandra Day O'Connor) to determine whether or not she could board the Magic Bus called <i>Further</i>. Her answer not only allowed her to ride the bus but has since been cited as a defining moment in Westward Expansion. Coincidentally, the bus driver (Neal Cassady) was asked by Kesey why he married a chicken, and Cassady replied, "Because I had to."<br />
Would I? I think I'll brood on that for a while.<br />
Guy<br />
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<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cNnCyx2VGvc/VhvnWBz00oI/AAAAAAAAAK4/X3J5BVURMW8/s1600/CF%2B-%2BThe%2BJaguar%2BTree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-cNnCyx2VGvc/VhvnWBz00oI/AAAAAAAAAK4/X3J5BVURMW8/s320/CF%2B-%2BThe%2BJaguar%2BTree.jpg" width="213" /></a><span style="font-size: large;">"Spell-binding! The Jaguar Tree is a splendid novel!"</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">Ernest Hemingway*</span><br />
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*(Probation officer, Bakersfield, CA)Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-16147479538157213462015-09-28T16:21:00.001-07:002015-09-28T16:21:55.881-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
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Dear Guy of Mystery,<br />
One of my favorite authors is Joel Chandler Harris. Although I haven't actually read anything he wrote, I love the Uncle Remus stories. I guess they inspired Walt Disney's Song of the South. Imagine how pleased I was to hear Speaker of the House John Boehner singing Zip-a-dee-doo-dah as he addressed the nation to resign from his post! Is Boehner African-American? Has he played Uncle Remus in a theatrical production? I think he rocks! Does this have anything to do with his meeting the Pope?<br />
Willy Nilly, Willamina, Oregon<br />
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Dear Willy Nilly,<br />
Pope Francis must have influenced the Speaker in his resignation since Boehner kept weeping and confessing his many sins during their meeting. To my knowledge, he has never played Uncle Remus, although he and Mitch McConnell are said to have modeled their congressional careers after Brer Bear and Brer Fox. Song of the South paints a very jolly picture of the lives of Southern Blacks throughout the hundred or so happy years leading up to the early 1950s, and it's puzzling that Zip-a-dee-doo-dah never became as popular as, say, We Shall Overcome, during the Civil Rights movement. It's so catchy, and "Brer Boehner" sings it with panache.<br />
GuyAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-31658314383972833112015-09-14T12:17:00.000-07:002015-09-14T12:17:28.676-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
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Hi, Guy,<br />
<br />
Have you ever written a humorous essay about dental insurance? I ask because about 6000 Americans turn 65 every day of the year. Of those who retire only 33% continue to receive health benefits from their employer, and 75% of those do not get dental insurance.<br />
Not funny, or what's the deal? Dental insurance is a rip-off, and it isn't really insurance at all. It's dollar trading.<br />
Here's the deal. Most dental plans are capped at amounts slightly in excess of their annual premiums. For me the premium would amount to about $1500 for which I'd get a couple of cleanings. It would also cover partial payment toward restorative care and limited lifetime orthodontics, which I don't need.<br />
Without a catastrophic benefit? Hel-lo-o, smash mouth. Catastrophic benefits are a key element of "true (real) insurance" plans.<br />
Why pay a $1500 annual premium to get $350 worth of maintenance service when you can just pay cash for cleaning and spend the balance on green fees and beer with your golf buddies and get an earlier tee time than you know who?<br />
Most health insurance plans cover serious accidental (catastrophic) injury to your natural teeth and also many of the more serious conditions that threaten healthy teeth and vision. What health insurance plans do not cover is routine dental maintenance services and hardware (rubber dams, veneer, whitening, mouth shellac, etc.).<br />
I say you're than man who knows how to write about scandalous stuff and make it seem humorous. Bonus question: Candidate Donny Bob Trump is busting Carly Fiorina's chops about her face being "unelectable." What do you think, and is it covered by dental insurance?<br />
Joe from East of Tomales (a man of simple requirements)<br />
<br />
<br />
Dear Joe of East Tomales,<br />
<br />
First of all, you don't really need teeth to eat tamales. Also, I don't personally find anything amusing about teeth, unless you have the wind-up kind for dentures. That always makes me titter. In my current dental plan, actually fixing teeth is considered "cosmetic" (like hair implants or a nose job). It's up to me as an independent American if I want to look good, and I accept that. My dentist gave me a coupon for a discount on a blender, so when I come home with that burger and fries I just drop them into the Osterizer and drink them. Voila! (I think the food processor is actually my catastrophic plan). I have absolute faith in the big insurance and pharmaceutical companies always looking out for us, and I'm sure that they'd like to get those early tee times as much as we would. Corporations are people, too, and they enjoy a beer and a laugh as much as the next guy.<br />
And speaking of laughs and wags, Donald Trump's dry sense of humor, and his comment about Fiorina's looks, was just an indication of how perfect he would be communicating with other heads of state. Let's face it, Trump is the voice of the American right wing, and those who don't get his subtle, droll message are just dumb and ugly and stupid.<br />
Guy<br />
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com10tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-91365093498443654002015-09-08T08:57:00.001-07:002015-09-08T08:57:27.709-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
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Dear International Guy,<br />
I'm confused because I heard from a friend in Des Moines that Donald Trump has won the Iowa Caucus, but I thought it hadn't happened yet. Am I right, or is he right?<br />
Phil from Philomath, Oregon<br />
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Dear Phil,<br />
I'd like to clear the air about this rumor: Trump won the Iowa Flatus (not Caucus) at the state fair this summer, an annual contest that follows pie-eating and swine judging. He blasted all competition in every category (auditory, olfactory, etc.), though many of his competitors are crying foul. Former winner Tommy "Toots" Thompson complained that nobody (judges, media, public) can tell the difference between Trump's speech and flatulence, so the competitors "didn't stand the chance of a fart in a tornado." Trump trumpeted back: "I'm probably a better person than you are."<br />
I'd say you can't argue with success,can you?<br />
GuyAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-54432264003780809712015-08-27T08:29:00.000-07:002015-08-27T08:32:04.714-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">"This Book is Selling Like Hotcakes!"</span><br />
Jalal ad Din Rumi<br />
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask An International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
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Dear International Guy,<br />
I've been a fan of yours for some time, and I know I'm not alone in appreciating your work, but I'm confused by some of the reviews I've seen posted online. Your three novels have received glowing responses from well-known writers, as I'm sure they must deserve, but it seems to me that the books were published after these reviewers had died. At the risk of sounding skeptical, can you explain to me how your books got such accolades from Oscar Wilde, Gertrude Stein, and Mahatma Gandhi?<br />
Nan from Neskowin, Oregon<br />
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Dear Nan,<br />
In one word: posthumously.<br />
It's fairly common in publishing.<br />
You have a great day,<br />
GuyAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-37774396111041668732015-07-24T11:07:00.001-07:002015-07-24T11:07:05.040-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
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Dear International Guy,<br />
In preparation for a vacation in Las Vegas I just read <b>Play It As It Lays</b> by Joan Didion. I didn't find this book very uplifting, nor did it reveal any good gambling secrets. Do you know what this book is about or, especially, any good tips for gambling? Didion made Vegas sound negative. I don't go with negative, I go with positive.<br />
J. "Jack" Cass, Jacksonville, Oregon<br />
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Dear Jack Cass,<br />
Play it as it Lays is a chilling novel about the barren and immoral environments of both Las Vegas and Hollywood back in the 60s. Since then Las Vegas has become one of the happiest places on earth, with rides and pyramids and castles, so don't let old sourpuss Joan keep you from wishing upon a star or your favorite combination of numbers. Besides, from Didion's book I think it's only negative for women, not men. When I was there I saw huge lines of men getting their paychecks at the Paychecks Only windows, so how negative is that?<br />
I just returned from the PSWA convention at the Orleans Hotel in Vegas (if you haven't heard about this conference, I just don't know, I may have to unfriend you on Facebook), and I did hit upon a winning system after a great deal of experimentation. My initial mistake was to continue throwing money into a slot machine that had a sign above it saying, "Baldo Won $5,600!" After a few hours I felt cheated, even wondering if Baldo is a real name. Then I found a machine that was tucked away from the main casino floor, near the elevators to the guest rooms, and I WON EVERY TIME! Sometimes I hit and got a Snickers, sometimes a bag of Bugles, and once a roll of Lifesavers! I felt like Minnesota Fats, especially since I gained several pounds.<br />
Viva Las Vegas, Jack,<br />
Guy<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-68497902847201604402015-06-17T11:01:00.000-07:002015-06-17T11:02:25.649-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
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Dear Guy,<br />
Can you explain to me what deja vu means? My uncle says it all the time. He spent years working a tungsten mine all by himself in Nevada, eating nothing but ramen noodles and cans of Dinty Moore beef stew while reading Robert Crais mystery novels. Does it have something to do with either of these things? He spent years all by himself working at a tungsten mine in Nevada where he ate ramen noodles with Dinty Moore beef stew and read Robert Crais novels. What does it mean?<br />
Tyrone Chu Laces, Tigard, Oregon<br />
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Dear Tyrone,<br />
Deja means leave it in Spanish, and I think vu might be some form of the word you or yours, so my guess is that deja vu means something like leave your stuff there. Or maybe leave it alone. I have to say that there's something about your uncle's story that intrigues me. When I read it I had this eerie feeling of having heard the whole thing before. Did I dream it? It seems like I might have overheard somebody at a bar in Nevada talking about a tungsten mine and noodles and stew and Robert Crais mystery novels. I have this feeling that it means something, but I can't put my finger on it. Oh, well, c'est la vie,<br />
GuyAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-44759713472549905202015-05-23T08:18:00.000-07:002015-05-23T08:18:48.662-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: x-large;">Interview with Performance Poet Warm Pie</span><br />
The International Guy of Mystery<span style="font-size: large;"> </span>managed to speak with Warm Pie during the Sydney Slamapalooza, which turned out to be Pie's third poetry slam victory in two weeks. The interview was cut short when adoring fans demolished part of the stage while demanding an encore from Pie.<br />
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IGM: Do you prefer being called Warm or Pie?<br />
WP: Where is my cat?<br />
IGM: I don't know. Let me ask you about your first collection of poems, which has sold over 500,000 copies in seven languages. The title poem, "I Peed," has been referred to as the most <i>complete</i> poem in the 21st Century by Yoko Ono. Would you mind performing it for us?<br />
WP: I just did.<br />
IGM: I mean, with the words and all.<br />
WP: OK. "Sunlight through the blinds/ Cat whiskers. The world/ Smelled like milk./ Mama picked me up./ I peed."<br />
IGM (weeping): Thank you! Thank you!<br />
WP: Where is my cat?<br />
IGM: I don't know. Who or what are your influences?<br />
WP: Of course Wallace Stevens and William Carlos Williams, but I've always loved the Dadaists. Do you know where my cat went?<br />
IGM: No, but I'm being told that you need to return to the stage, or what's left of it. Thank you, Warm! Thank you, Pie!<br />
WP: I'm hungry.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-79517210734831276422015-05-22T16:02:00.000-07:002015-05-22T16:02:51.505-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
Dear Guy,<br />
I was wondering if you could tell me about a type of book, or genre I guess, called Steampunk. I was riding the Greyhound home to Baker City from a Star Trek convention in Vegas, dressed as Brunt (who as you know is a liquidator with Ferengi Commerce and doesn't like idle talk) when this guy boards in Greeley (how we ended up going through Northern Colorado still baffles me) and tells me I would love reading Steampunk. I told him I was only interested in supplanting Grand Negus Zek, which made him clam up. So, is there such a type of literature called Steampunk?<br />
Baffled in Baker, Oregon<br />
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Dear Baffled,<br />
Yes, I have heard that there is a literary sub-genre called Steampunk, and there are two logical descriptions. One would be mystery novels where annoying little punks, like Macaulay Culkin, get people very angry or steamed up (think Home Alone). The other would be about the punk subculture, people with Mohawks and dog chains, having lots of steamy sex (think Sid Vicious and the Sex Pistols, but don't think about the sex acts because they would likely involve bondage and sadism). I had a similar encounter with a stranger on a train who pulled my leg, trying to convince me that Steampunk was a type of science fiction based on 19th Century technology. I almost told him that, since there were no punks nor much sex in the 19th Century, and since (hello!) science fiction is about the future, not the past, his story made no sense, but he was dressed like a space alien with pointed ears, and I didn't want to rile him. I did titter a bit behind my train schedule, though.<br />
International GuyAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-70112381006072188772015-05-15T10:42:00.001-07:002015-05-15T10:42:39.504-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Interview with Marilyn Meredith</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px;">The International Guy of Mystery interviewed Marilyn Meredith after he had failed to find gold in a stream near her home in the Sierra Nevada foothills (the 150-year-old map he'd bought from a genuine gold prospector had the word <i>Walmart</i> written on its back--ancestor of the modern businessman?) Marilyn is a prolific author! She's published more than 35 mystery novels</span><span style="font-size: 14pt;">, including the award winning Deputy Tempe Crabtree mystery series, the latest <b><i>River Spirits </i></b>from Mundania Press. Writing as F. M. Meredith, her latest Rocky Bluff P.D. crime novel is <b><i>Violent Departures</i></b>, from Oak Tree Press. Marilyn is a member of two chapters of <st1:personname w:st="on">Sisters in Crime</st1:personname>, Mystery Writers of America, and on the board of the Public Safety Writers of America. Visit her at </span><a href="http://fictionforyou.com/"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">http://fictionforyou.com</span></a><span style="font-size: 14pt;"> and her blog at </span><a href="http://marilymeredith.blogspot.com/"><span style="font-size: 14pt;">http://marilymeredith.blogspot.com</span></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; font-stretch: normal;"><b>IGM</b>:</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">If you had to
give a quick, one-sentence description of your novel (or series) to a Hollywood
mogul, what would you say? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>MM</b>: Two violent departures and
a haunted house baffle members of the Rocky Bluff P.D. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; font-stretch: normal;"><b>IGM</b>:</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">What inspired you
to write this series (personal experience, books you love, real people and
events, etc.)? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>MM</b>: First, yes, I did enjoy reading
police procedurals, but never thought about writing one until my son-in-law
became a police officer. My daughter didn’t like to hear his stories, so he
told them to me. He took me on my first police ride-along. We also lived in a
neighborhood with many law enforcement families, so I observed a lot about how
what was going on with the job affected the family, and what happened at home
affected the job. A theme that flows through all the books in the series. Yes,
I do use some real events, but they are greatly fictionalized. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; font-stretch: normal;"><b>IGM</b>:</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">What gives you
the most joy as a writer? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>MM</b>: There’s nothing better than having a reader tell me
how much they liked a book I wrote. I do have some fans who are really great
about sharing what they enjoyed most about a book.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">.</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; font-stretch: normal;"><b>IGM</b>:</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">What is the
hardest thing about writing? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> <b>MM</b>: Writing is the best and most satisfying
part of the whole process—but it <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> doesn’t stop here. Next comes the
rewriting and the editing, and I enjoy <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> both. But what takes the most time and
effort is promoting the book and <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> I’m
usually doing that while writing a book in my other series.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; font-stretch: normal;"><b>IGM</b>:</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">How did you come
up with the titles? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>MM:</b> Some titles are easy and
come about from something that jumps right out of the plot. The title, <b><i>Murder
in the Worst Degree</i></b>, was given to me before I ever wrote the book.
Towards the end, I was scrambling to figure out how to tie the tile in with
what I’d written. A few times I’ve asked my critique group (who hear all my
books chapter by chapter) for suggestions.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; font-stretch: normal;"><b>IGM</b>:</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Tell a little
about your process. Do you know how your novels should end before you start? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>MM</b>: The short answer to the question is “No.” I often begin
thinking I know—but more times than not, I even change who I think the murderer
is as I’m writing.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .75in; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">As to the process, because I write series—I have
ongoing situations with characters that must progress—and actually, that is
helpful because it gives me minor plot threads to weave into the main story.
Next, I need to come up with a murder: how it happened, motives for more than
one person, who those suspects are, and other crimes to occupy the police
department.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; font-stretch: normal;"><b>IGM</b>:</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Pretend you are
fielding a baseball team with your favorite writers. List them by position. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>MM</b>: The only baseball I ever watch is when kids are playing
so really don’t have a good answer for this one. I have many favorite
authors—really too many to list. I enjoy reading new writers’ books too.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-size: 18.6666660308838px; font-stretch: normal;"><b>IGM</b>:</span><span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;"> </span><!--[endif]--><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Pretend your book
is being made into a movie. What actors would play the lead characters? (Note:
if your book is being optioned for a movie, you may wish to send several
thousand dollars to the International Guy of Mystery Foundation as a tax
write-off). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>MM</b>: I’ve been asked this
question before, and because I already see my characters as individuals, I have
no idea who would play the leads in a movie.
I know some authors, especially those who write romance, who pick out
specific actors and base their characters on them. I’ve never done that. What I
have done is pick particular characteristics and appearance of people I’ve met
and give them to the people in my books.
Fortunately no one has ever recognized him or herself. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Here's a blurb for <b><i>Violent Departures</i></b>:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">College
student, Veronica Randall, disappears from her car in her own driveway,
everyone in the Rocky Bluff P.D. is looking for her. Detective Milligan and
family move into a house that may be haunted. Officer Butler is assigned to
train a new hire and faces several major challenges.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-left: .5in; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"><br /></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com7tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-5790880842205368702015-05-13T10:11:00.001-07:002015-05-13T10:11:15.578-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Interview with Filmmaker Progress Hornsby</span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uSd4319AQY8/VVN_pRx3heI/AAAAAAAAAIg/YUV4SvU9BpE/s1600/Enzo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-uSd4319AQY8/VVN_pRx3heI/AAAAAAAAAIg/YUV4SvU9BpE/s320/Enzo.jpg" width="230" /></a></div>
<br />
The International Guy of Mystery met internationally famous independent filmmaker Progress Hornsby on a floating birthday party for Danny DeVito aboard the cruise ship Monkey Business on the San Francisco Bay (Note: Mr. DeVito was not on board). The International Guy found the enigmatic Hornsby on deck as The Monkey Business crossed under the Bay Bridge.<br />
<br />
IGM: Progress, I guess the first question is about inspiration: where do your ideas come from?<br />
PH: Wait. Will you say that again? I'd like to shoot you doing that.<br />
IGM: What? Oh, um, I guess the first question is about inspiration...<br />
PH: No, do it like before, you were sort of picking your nose.<br />
IGM: I was not.<br />
PH: Wow, that's crazy! Nice! You did it again. Keep talking.<br />
IGM: Where do your ideas come from?<br />
PH: People are crazy beautiful, I love to watch them.<br />
IGM: What makes a good movie?<br />
PH: It has to have legs and be crazy beautiful.<br />
IGM: What do you mean by legs?<br />
PH: Oh, do that again, look down at your shoes, man. Your bald spot is great.<br />
IGM: I don't have a bald spot.<br />
PH: Sweet! Hey,it's been lovely, but I need to go. Ciao, Baby.Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-51032427883391424932015-05-08T14:19:00.000-07:002015-05-08T14:19:30.566-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3n7gfEh9ObY/VU0e04JbpSI/AAAAAAAAAIA/lL3Q_EC78KE/s1600/IMG_0070_2%2B(1).jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-3n7gfEh9ObY/VU0e04JbpSI/AAAAAAAAAIA/lL3Q_EC78KE/s1600/IMG_0070_2%2B(1).jpeg" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Interview with Book Critic Mimi van Gogh</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
The International Guy of Mystery spoke with world famous book critic Mimi van Gogh in the backseat of her parents' car as she was rushing from the Frankfurt Book Fair to catch a flight to Paris for a gala library opening.<br />
<br />
<b>IGM</b>: What an honor to finally meet you, Ms. van Gogh!<br />
<b>MvG</b>: It is nothing.<br />
<b>IGM</b>: Is Mimi van Gogh your real name, or is that a nom de plume?<br />
<b>MvG</b>: Go fish.<br />
<b>IGM</b>: What are you currently reviewing?<br />
<b>MvG</b>: The London Times has requested a review of this "Alphabet Book" by an obscure author I will not bother to mention. I find it terribly predictable.<br />
<b>IGM</b>: How so?<br />
<b>MvG</b>: Who does not know that A is for apple?<br />
<b>IGM</b>: Oh, yes. Do you dislike most books that you review?<br />
<b>MvG</b>: Most American books for children are unfortunately childish.<br />
<b>IGM</b>: Are there authors or books that you particularly enjoy?<br />
<b>MvG</b>: I went through a Marcel Proust phase, but now I prefer something with more fictive elan, more muscular diction, and less self-conscious ontological ennui.<br />
<b>IGM</b>: I...I feel the same way. Do you see any trends in publishing?<br />
<b>MvG</b>: There is only one trend, and that is to make money. I must say adieu now.<br />
<b>IGM</b>: What does that mean?<br />
<br />
<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-69010718558575412362015-05-04T10:10:00.000-07:002015-05-04T10:10:27.957-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Hd7ACe_A2dk/VUeiBRWWvzI/AAAAAAAAAHM/bf3IzFnXZIw/s1600/3610.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-Hd7ACe_A2dk/VUeiBRWWvzI/AAAAAAAAAHM/bf3IzFnXZIw/s320/3610.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Interview with Lesley Diehl</span><br />
<br />
The International Guy of Mystery interviewed Lesley Diehl while lying on a psychologist's couch behind a haystack in a cattle field near a gator-infested swamp in Florida. Diehl is a former professor of psychology and was able to quickly diagnose the Guy with various psychological disorders as she answered his questions.<br />
Diehl is also a prolific writer and has published numerous short stories as well as two cozy mystery novel series, always with a strong dose of humor, and always featuring sassy country gals.<br />
<br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> If you
had to give a quick, one-sentence description of your novel (or series) to a
Hollywood mogul, what would you say? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">LD:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I never say anything in
one sentence. I am a former academic and therefore very long winded. This
is the story of a Connecticut <i>fashionista</i> who moves to rural Florida to set up
a high end consignment shop with her best friend. She is a sassy,
in-your-face kind of gal and she's snoopy with few social graces. That
means she's always getting into trouble. She seems to have a knack for
stumbling onto dead bodies. In some cases, she’s implicated in the
murder. In others, she gets involved in solving the crime because that's
just what she does. She is aided in her amateur sleuthing by her
business partner and best friend as well as a cadre of friends including a mob
boss, a hunky private eye, her ex-husband, a Miccosukee Indian and his
grandfather and, sometimes her good friend, a detective with the local
police. </span><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">A high end consignment shop in the swamps of
Florida, you say? Sure, women everywhere like to dress well even when
they're wrestling an alligator or herding cattle.</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Yep, it would be a comedy.</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; text-indent: 0in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I know I'm not playing fair so here's one
sentence: Connecticut <i>fashionista</i> comes to rural Florida to open a consignment
shop, but finds more than second hand merchandise when she finds a body on her
dressing room floor. Since this is a series, she stumbles onto bodies
everywhere, on an airboat, in the swamp, in a mud bog, and on and on</span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 10pt;">.</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Whew! Remind me not to ask you for a long answer! OK: What
inspired you to write this series (personal experience, books you love, real
people and events, etc.)? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">LD:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span><strong><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt; font-weight: normal;">This isn't the first series
I've written, but it is the one closest to my heart. My paternal grandmother
was the queen of recycling. She never bought new and she passed this
proclivity for bargains onto me. Or maybe it's just genetic. I've
furnished my cottage in upstate New York with finds from garage sales, auctions
and consignment shops. I only buy new if it's on sale. I am both
environmentally responsible with my recycling, repurposing, and reusing, and I
am cheap. So, of course, my protagonist, Eve must own a consignment shop</span></strong><strong><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">.</span></strong><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> What
gives you the most joy as a writer? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">LD:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I write humorous mysteries for the most part and my joy is in being able
to entertain myself as I write and hope that others will get a good laugh out
of reading what my strange brain creates. If I don't laugh at what I'm
writing, then it doesn't belong on the page.</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> What is
the hardest thing about writing? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">LD:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I hate doing the rewrites.</span><span style="font-size: 12.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> How did
you come up with the titles? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">LD:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">My titles for the Eve Appel mystery series are very straight forward,
i.e.,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><em>A Secondhand Murder, Dead in the Water, A Sporting Murder,</em><span class="apple-converted-space"><i> </i></span>pretty revealing of what's
inside the book, but I love to think up crazy titles such as in my Big Lake
Murder mystery series,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><em>Dumpster Dying</em>,<span class="apple-converted-space"> </span><em>Grilled,
Chilled, and Killed. </em><span class="apple-converted-space"><i> </i></span>I
love those!</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Tell a
little about your process. Do you know how your novels should end before you
start? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">LD:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I used to write by the seat of my pants and never really knew what might
happen. Now I write to my publisher's schedule and to meet it, I
must outline. Usually I deviate wildly from the outline, but it's there
to give me psychological comfort.</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Pretend
you are fielding a baseball team with your favorite writers. List them by
position. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">LD:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> </span><span style="background: white; font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">I have to tell you that I do really hate baseball (I do not know
what is wrong with me), but it's a fact that I have never sat through an entire
game. But then I dislike most organized sports, so I don't engage in them
and I don't watch them (except for golf which I sometimes play very badly and I
do watch it on TV, so there!). The only sport I'm mildly interested in is
quidditch (from Harry Potter-I like the idea of flying around on brooms), but I
know little about it. When I looked it up on the internet, I found it was
very complicated, so I tossed out my original idea that I would field quidditch
players. I am forced, because of my dislike of team sports, to ignore
your question. As you can see, I not only dislike team play, but I am not
a team player. I don't follow the rules, although I did color inside the
lines when a kid.</span><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Physician, heal thyself! How could you not like baseball? OK, last question: Pretend your book is
being made into a movie. What actors would play the lead characters? (Note: if
your book is being optioned for a movie, you may wish to send several thousand
dollars to the International Guy of Mystery Foundation as a tax write-off). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">LD:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">My protagonist, Eve
Appel is tall, thin and blonde. I think Angelina Jolie with a wig would
be perfect. Madeleine, her business partner and friend could only be
played by that tiny, blonde gal who does Bernadette in The Big Bang
Theory. Eve's grandmother is a round, white-haired woman fashioned after
the look of Paula Dean. Do you think she might leave the kitchen to play
Grandy, Eve's Grandmother? As for the men in the book, I'm not good with
thinking of male actors, so I think we should audition some unknowns. I
sometimes think when I'm walking down the street or in a restaurant that there
are people with the right look. Who knows? They might have
talent. Besides it would be fun to audition handsome, exciting and smart
men, well, with the exception of Eve's ex-husband who is good looking, but not
so smart.</span><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;">Please visit Lesley's website and order her books by following the link below:</span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"> </span><a href="http://www.lesleyadiehl.com/" target="_blank"><span style="color: #196ad4; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 12.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">www.lesleyadiehl.com</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;">Preorder link:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<a href="http://www.amazon.com/Sporting-Murder-Lesley-Diehl/dp/1603819398/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&qid=1430687875&sr=8-16&k" target="_blank"><span style="color: #196ad4; font-family: "Helvetica",sans-serif; font-size: 9.0pt; mso-fareast-font-family: "Times New Roman";">http://www.amazon.com/Sporting-Murder-Lesley-Diehl/dp/1603819398/ref=sr_1_16?ie=UTF8&qid=1430687875&sr=8-16&k</span></a><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 9pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-43289126036841665402015-04-27T09:26:00.003-07:002015-04-27T09:26:54.930-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
Dear Guy,<br />
For years I have been trying to remember the name of a song. Its lyrics run through my head every day like a stream of oily effluent rushing down a storm drain:<br />
Oh, them golden slippers!<br />
Oh, them golden slippers!<br />
Golden, golden, golden slippers,<br />
Golden, golden slippers!<br />
Do you have any idea what the name of this song is and who wrote it?<br />
<br />
Perplexed in Pendleton, Oregon<br />
<br />
Dear Perplexed,<br />
I had to coerce some of my sources in the intelligence community to help me track this down. There are three possibilities, which I'll share with you:<br />
One is "Pair Two-Thousand-Twenty-Three", written by Imelda Marcos and sung by her husband, Ferdinand, with the accompaniment of the Philippine National Choir.<br />
Another is "I Wish I Was a Girl" by J. Edgar Hoover, the founder of the FBI.<br />
Lastly, "Them Golden Slippers" by The Ozark Snake Charmers, with special guest, Billy Graham.<br />
I hope one of these rings a bell for you!<br />
Guy<br />
<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-37757421500429416132015-04-19T18:26:00.000-07:002015-04-19T18:26:38.280-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Interview with Holli Castillo</span><br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-T3io7RW7bI4/VTRPWiYt_VI/AAAAAAAAAGY/_vXpgoKYNT0/s1600/holli.jpeg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-T3io7RW7bI4/VTRPWiYt_VI/AAAAAAAAAGY/_vXpgoKYNT0/s1600/holli.jpeg" height="240" width="320" /></a></div>
The International Guy of Mystery found Holli Castillo on a balcony at the Maison Bourbon in the French Quarter, where she was doing clandestine surveillance for a law firm while dictating notes into her phone for a future mystery novel and film treatment. She answered his questions by way of paper airplanes flown between the balcony and the sidewalk bench where the Guy (in disguise) was sitting and eating deep-fried popcorn shrimp slathered in Cajun hot sauce.<br />
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> If you
had to give a quick, one-sentence description of your novel or series to a
Hollywood mogul, what would you say? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">HC:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Here's my pitch
for <i>Chocolate City Justice</i> – Navigating the flood of Hurricane Katrina with an
NOPD detective and two cats, prosecutor Ryan Murphy finds herself fleeing gang
members, rogue police officers, and the wrath of the storm, all the while
gathering clues to solve the mystery of who is paying the Ninth Ward Warriors
to terrorize the city.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> What
inspired you to write your series (personal experience, books you love, real people and
events, etc.)? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">HC:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> My
series was inspired by my personal experience as a New Orleans prosecutor.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Yikes! That sounds scary! Next question: What
gives you the most joy as a writer? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">HC:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> When
readers e-mail me and ask when the next novel is coming out because they can’t
wait to find out what happens to my protag, Ryan. It doesn’t get any better
than when my characters are as real to my readers as they are to me.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> What is
the hardest thing about writing? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">HC:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Finding time
to write is the most difficult part of writing. I have a “job-job” that I do
from home, two teenage daughters, a husband, three dogs, and two deaf cats, all
of which compete for my attention. I also write screenplays and t.v. pilots and
I just started producing my own films, so it’s hard to juggle everything that
needs to get done.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> I think one of your deaf cats just jumped on my lap. How do you come up with the titles for your books? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">HC:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> My
husband and my kids name all my work. I’m terrible with titles and actually
don’t enjoy the naming process. Except for my characters. I love naming
characters.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Tell a
little about your process. Do you know how it should end before you start? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">HC:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> I always
know how the story is going to end, but then I usually try to add a twist I
hadn’t planned. I do a scene by scene
outline ahead of time, although the scenes get rewritten and moved around
constantly. If I didn’t outline, I wouldn’t know how to stop adding scenes into
the novel.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Pretend
you are fielding a baseball team with your favorite writers. List them by
position. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">HC:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> We are a
football city (if you didn’t guess my favorite football team is the New Orleans
Saints you don’t know anything at all about me or the city of New Orleans.) </span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>IGM</b>: I thought the New Orleans Saints was a glee club. OK, go on:</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>HC</b>: I suggest you remain in disguise. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>IGM</b>: Yikes!</span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"><b>HC: </b>I
can’t picture any of my favorite writers playing football, so I’m going to use
my next favorite sport, women’s gymnastics.
Ernest Hemingway would do the vault, because he seems like he would run
fast because he was a sportsman. John
Kennedy Toole would do the floor, but he would probably fall a lot and not be
very good. Julie Plec (who writes and
produces Vampire Diaries and the Originals) would do the balance beam because
she looks kind of short and short women have a lower center of gravity and do
better on beam. She also does a
fantastic job of balancing the two shows she writes. John Sandford would do the bars, because if
he is like his character Lucas Davenport, he is fearless and aggressive, two
traits necessary to excel at the bars.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">IGM:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> I can't stop seeing Hemingway in women's gymnastic tights doing the splits...OK, last question: Pretend
your book is being made into a movie. What actors would play the lead
characters? (Note: if your book is being optioned for a movie, you may wish to
send several thousand dollars to the International Guy of Mystery Foundation as
a tax write-off). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">HC:</span></b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt;"> Casting my protag Ryan is
difficult because she is short, but Anna Kendrick is about the right height and
could do a lot with the role. If I wasn’t casting by height, Emma Stone,
Jennifer Lawrence, Emily Blunt, or Emma Watson.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Ian Somerhalder, Damon from The Vampire Diaries, would
definitely get the role of Shep, my lead male. I didn’t have anyone in mind
when I wrote the character, but the first time I saw Ian Somerhalder on TVD, I
immediately thought that is Shep, exactly as I described him.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Jason Momoa would get the role of the second lead male
and third member of the little love triangle, undercover detective Monte
Carlson.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">I would pick some of the Wahlberg boys to play Ryan’s
brothers, actor Ryan Reynolds for the villain in <i>Gumbo Justice</i> and Jared Leto
for the villain in <i>Jambalaya Justice</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-28923841372587804872015-04-13T13:15:00.004-07:002015-04-13T13:15:37.917-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
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Dear International Guy of Mystery,<br />
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One of the great international mysteries in our time has to do
with finding the secret messages buried within the songs of the Beatles. I have
spent something like fifty years trying to determine whether or not Paul is
dead, and I still don’t know the answer. We’re told that the walrus was Paul,
which I think means that he secretly died and was replaced by a look-alike. Also,
what does the number nine really mean? Or Honey Pie? I’d like to know if you
have some light to shed on this subject, though I must warn you that I will
probably disagree with you, since I tend to disagree with everybody on this
subject.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
Roy “Ringo” Randolph, Redmond, Oregon<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Dear Roy Ringo,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
I agree that the Beatles hid some intriguing messages in
their lyrics for people to get obsessed with until they lose all friendship
with the real world, but I’m sorry to hear that you have spent so much time on the
subject of Paul’s death since he keeps performing in public and appears to be
the only one who didn’t die. You will probably disagree, but it’s clear to me
that you’re a complete idiot.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
What’s hidden in the early lyrics and now fairly obvious
to me is the homo-erotic subtext. Why did they care so much about wearing
tights? When they sing “Hold Me Tights” in their quaint Liverpudlian style, one
has to wonder (“You don’t know what it means to hold me tights”). Indeed: What does it mean to hold their
tights? They come right out and blurt it out in an early song celebrating the very
odor of a man’s body, (“I Want a B.O. Lover, Baby, I Want a B.O. Man”), but few
critics or fans have noticed, and since my sources say that most British artists are gay, nobody cares. <o:p></o:p></div>
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I think you should get outside of Redmond more often.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Sincerely,</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
Guy</div>
<br />
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-35532371319697167392015-04-03T12:06:00.000-07:002015-04-03T12:06:45.250-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
<br />
Dear International Guy of Mystery,<br />
I have been reading British mystery authors for most of my life and consider myself something of an Anglophile. In fact I usually speak to strangers in a British accent and fancy myself expert in this genre, so I was gobsmacked when I heard that Elizabeth George is an American! The bloody twit who told me this was none other than my cheeky husband, and we had quite row. Is the blackguard right, or am I right that she has to be a Brit?<br />
Brassed-Off in Benton County, Oregon<br />
<br />
<br />
Dear Brassed,<br />
I was astonished to find out that your husband is actually right! How could an American woman write with a British accent? Inspector Lynley is more English than Austin Powers! It doesn't make sense to me; in fact, I think there may be something rotten in Denmark. When American writers and film makers have English characters in their stories, there's always something wrong with them: they're either evil geniuses, or they're smart but homely or cowardly. Not so with our Elizabeth George!<br />
Here's my theory: she has an evil twin or a madwoman friend who was raised in London. The twin is locked in a castle tower somewhere, like they often do in England, and she sends Elizabeth George the stories, maybe in exchange for something American that she can't get in the British insane asylum (like good movies or tacos).<br />
Thank you for alerting me to this international ruse!<br />
International Guy of MysteryAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-77562424283964781272015-03-20T12:19:00.000-07:002015-03-20T16:02:44.646-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Interview With Robert Weibezahl</span><br />
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The International Guy of Mystery found Robert Weibezahl slouched under the Collected William B. Yeats in a corner booth in a hidden Irish pub somewhere along a fault line in Southern California. Robert has worked in the publishing and film businesses in New York and LA. Many of his book reviews have been published in major periodicals, and a nonfiction book (A Taste of Murder, co-authored with Jo Grossman) was published by Dell in 1999. He is also a singer and actor and co-founder of the theater troupe Panic! Productions.<br />
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<o:p><br /></o:p></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">IGM: If you had to give a quick, one-sentence description of your novel (or series)
to a <st1:place w:st="on">Hollywood</st1:place> mogul, what would you say?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">RW: A
cynical (but fundamentally endearing—honest!) screenwriter investigates death
threats against an aging silent screen star while navigating through the
turbulent, shark-filled waters of a <st1:place w:st="on">Hollywood</st1:place>
career.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">IGM: What inspired you to write it (personal experience, books you love, real people
and events, etc.)?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">RW: This is
the second book in a series (the first is <i>The
Wicked and the Dead</i>), which loosely draws on my own erstwhile experiences
working in the movie business (though not as a screenwriter). The main
character, Billy Winnetka, was born like Athena from the head of Zeus while I
was driving the freeway in <st1:city w:st="on"><st1:place w:st="on">L.A.</st1:place></st1:city>
one night and passed the <st1:street w:st="on"><st1:address w:st="on">Winnetka
Boulevard</st1:address></st1:street> exit. His name flashed into my mind and
by the time I had driven the remaining half-hour to my home I had sketched out
the plot of the first book in my head.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">IGM: What gives you the most joy as a writer?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">RW: When a complete
stranger (as opposed to a supportive friend) tells me that he or she has read
something I’ve written and liked it.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">IGM: What is the hardest thing about writing?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">RW: I am great
at getting the spark of an idea and starting a book or story, but I can have a
lot of trouble finishing it. I have more than one stillborn manuscript on my
computer as we speak. Some have been there for years.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">IGM: How did you come up with the title(s)?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">RW: This
book actually started with a working title, then had been given a different
title by the time I submitted it to Oak Tree Press. Then, a few months before
publication my publisher contacted me to say that another book with <i>that </i>title had just come out from
another publisher. Since that competing book was also in the crime genre, we
thought it best to change mine and avoid confusion. I thought long and hard and
came up with <i>The Dead Don’t Forget</i>
because it contains the phrase “the dead” like the title of the first book in
the series, and it also does reflect one important aspect of the plot.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">IGM: Tell a little about your process. Did you know how it should end before you
started?<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="background: white;">
<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">RW: Well,
expanding on what I said in my answer to question four, I have a lot of trouble
getting to the end—although I do often have an inkling of the “solution” or
final moments of the book, getting there can be a rough journey. I am <i>not</i> a writer who outlines, I usually let
a story or book take me where it wants to go—within reason of course. Sometimes
it wants to go places I don’t understand…which may account for those unfinished
manuscripts.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">IGM: Pretend you are fielding a baseball team with your favorite writers. List them
by position.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">RW: I love
baseball, but I’m not sure if most of my favorite writers would contribute much
to a team (overall, they do not seem a physically hardy bunch—in fact, most of
them are dead!) A lot of them are British, too, and might prefer cricket or, at
the very least, soccer (rugby would be unimaginable with my literary crew)! How
about if I recruit five Americans and five Brits and we pit them against each
other on a basketball court? It would be an amusing, if not particularly athletic,
competition.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><i><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">The Stars and Stripes:<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Mark
Twain<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">John
Steinbeck<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Henry
James <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Joan
Didion <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">F. Scott
Fitzgerald<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><i><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">The Union Jacks:<o:p></o:p></span></i></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Graham
Greene<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Muriel
Spark<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Evelyn
Waugh<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">E.M.
Forster<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Iain
Pears <o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">IGM: (Great teams! I hear that Didion is a monster under the boards). OK, Pretend your book is being made into a movie. What actors would play the lead
characters? (Note: if your book is being optioned for a movie, you may wish to
send several thousand dollars to the International Guy of Mystery Foundation as
a tax write-off).<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">RW: This
became a fun parlor game for my wife, daughter, and me. We went well beyond the
two leads!<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Billy
Winnetka, crime-solving screenwriter: Bradley Cooper<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Kate
Hennessey, Billy’s attorney love interest: Elisabeth Moss<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Gwendolyn
Barlow, the aging silent screen star: Judi Dench or Maggie Smith (I would be
giddy with delight over either choice)<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Grace
Everett, Billy’s eccentric heiress friend, Alison Janney<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Tony
Renkowski (who is central to the first book), Josh Hutcherson<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<span class="yiv3482298419"><span style="font-family: Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: 14pt;">Al
Borges, Billy’s policeman ally, Michael Pena<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
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<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SUtr5InMWSo/VQxyP7OhmYI/AAAAAAAAAFw/F-davtRlG8Q/s1600/cover4.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-SUtr5InMWSo/VQxyP7OhmYI/AAAAAAAAAFw/F-davtRlG8Q/s1600/cover4.jpg" height="320" width="207" /></a></div>
<br />
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<span style="font-size: 14.0pt;">Here's some more information about Robert:<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Robert
Weibezahl is the author of two crime novels featuring screenwriter Billy
Winnetka—<i>The Wicked and the Dead</i> and <i>The Dead Don’t Forget</i>—as well as
co-author of the Agatha and Macavity Award-nominated literary
cookbooks/anthologies, <i>A Taste of Murder</i>
and<i> A Second Helping of Murder</i>.
Having worked in the publishing and film businesses for many years, he has a
broad range of credits. He has been a monthly columnist for <i>BookPage</i> for more than a dozen years, and
his work has also appeared in the <st1:city w:st="on"><i>Los Angeles</i></st1:city><i> Daily
News, <st1:city w:st="on">Los Angeles</st1:city> Reader, <st1:placename w:st="on">Ventura</st1:placename>
<st1:placetype w:st="on">County</st1:placetype> Star, Mystery Readers Journal, <st1:place w:st="on">Bikini</st1:place>, </i>and<i>
Irish America</i>, among others. Weibezahl was also a finalist for the Short
Mystery Fiction Society’s 2010 Derringer Award for his short story, “Identity
Theft,” which appears in two eBook story collections: <i>Triple Twist</i> and <i>Deadly by
the Dozen</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">Weibezahl
has recently embarked on a project to read the complete works of Graham Greene.
You can follow his progress at https://26grahams.wordpress.com/<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Garamond",serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">More
at www.RobertWeibezahl.com and
www.facebook.com/pages/Robert-Weibezahl-Writer/115515968523507<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br />Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-1005621548647104912015-03-12T20:41:00.003-07:002015-03-12T20:41:55.793-07:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--XJOmD77Mso/VQJa3yRDRII/AAAAAAAAAFM/sJ7i9rhLD2M/s1600/CF%2B-%2BThe%2BJaguar%2BTree.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/--XJOmD77Mso/VQJa3yRDRII/AAAAAAAAAFM/sJ7i9rhLD2M/s1600/CF%2B-%2BThe%2BJaguar%2BTree.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a></div>
<span style="font-size: x-large;">My Book is Now Available at:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
www.oaktreebooks.com/Bookstore/jaguartree.html<br />
<br />
or at select independent bookstores and on Amazon Books.<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">It's a good idea to buy it.</span>Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-35093197625793241542015-03-09T09:21:00.000-07:002015-03-09T09:21:05.844-07:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery:</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">Special Writing Conference Advice!</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
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Dear International Guy of Mystery,<o:p></o:p></div>
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I’m thinking of attending a writing conference, but I don’t
know if anybody there would be smart enough to recognize the unique genius of
my work. If I decide to go, how can I get the most out of it? Besides selling
the novel, I was kind of hoping to have sex.<o:p></o:p></div>
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Hesitant from Hillsboro, Oregon<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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Dear Hesitant,<o:p></o:p></div>
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If your aim is to stand out as a genius, which is something
that I have done successfully at various conferences, I’m going to let you in
some secrets. The most important word bears repeating: Prepare, Prepare,
Prepare!<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
About two weeks before the event:<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpFirst" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->1.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Study the website carefully and learn as much as
you can about the agents or editors you plan to see. Impress them by saying you
know exactly where they live and what their children’s names and ages are and
where they go to school.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->2.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Stop bathing: A literary genius rarely bathes,
and agents know this from experience. Don’t shower, brush your teeth, or change
your clothes for at least two weeks. Wear something slovenly and intentionally
out of fashion, which says that you are beyond mere fashion.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->3.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Carry a hip flask of Southern Comfort and stay
tipsy during the conference. Raise your voice whenever an amusing thought
occurs to you. Interrupt speakers with disdainful remarks that exhibit your
intellectual superiority.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<!--[if !supportLists]-->4.<span style="font-size: 7pt; font-stretch: normal;">
</span><!--[endif]-->Memorize your pitch, which could be as simple
as: This is a book that can make your career, and if you screw up and don’t
represent it, you will regret it for the rest of your life.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; mso-list: l0 level1 lfo1; text-indent: -.25in;">
Item two above may limit your auxiliary goal of having sex with a stranger, but you might encounter a kindred spirit. I suspect that you will easily find each other in the crowd!</div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p> </o:p><span style="text-indent: 0in;"> Bon chance, mon ami!</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;">International Guy of Mystery</span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpMiddle" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<span style="text-indent: 0in;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoListParagraphCxSpLast" style="margin-left: .75in; mso-add-space: auto; text-indent: 0in;">
<o:p></o:p></div>
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<br /></div>
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<br /></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-26199361594315279782015-03-06T10:34:00.002-08:002015-03-06T10:34:56.046-08:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Interview with Janet Greger</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6DwIPUV8xL8/VPntmSNRVGI/AAAAAAAAAEY/Bi3DAM0GO2U/s1600/Bug%26me5.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-6DwIPUV8xL8/VPntmSNRVGI/AAAAAAAAAEY/Bi3DAM0GO2U/s1600/Bug%26me5.jpg" height="299" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">As a professor in biology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison, Janet Greger honed her story-telling skills as she lectured to bleary-eyed students at 8:30 in the morning. She says that her students remembered chemical reactions better when the instructor attached stories to the processes. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">Now she has two great passions—her Japanese Chin dog, Bug, and travel. She has included both in her novels: <i style="font-weight: bold;">Coming Flu</i><b>, </b><i style="font-weight: bold;">Murder: A New Way to Lose Weight</i><b>, </b><i style="font-weight: bold;">Ignore the Pain, </i>and<i style="font-weight: bold;"> Malignancy</i><b>.</b> You can learn more about her at her website: </span><a href="http://www.jlgreger.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">www.jlgreger.com</span></a><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"> and blog (JL Greger’s Bugs): </span><a href="http://www.jlgreger.com/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">www.jlgreger.com</span></a><span class="object"><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;">. She will also answer question directed to: </span></span><span style="font-family: Arial, sans-serif;"><a href="mailto:JLGreger@oaktreebooks.com">JLGreger@oaktreebooks.com</a>. The International Guy of Mystery interviewed her through a surgical mask in a secret laboratory.</span></div>
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<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 18.6666660308838px;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">IGM:</span></span><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 7.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></b><b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">If you had to give a quick, one-sentence
description of your novel to a Hollywood mogul, what would you say?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt;"><b>JG:</b> Feel the tension as a woman scientist
tries to escape the clutches of a drug lord in New Mexico and accepts a risky
assignment for the U.S. State Department in Cuba in <b><i>Malignancy</i></b>.</span><b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 18.6666660308838px;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">IGM:</span></span><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 7.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></b><b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">What inspired you to write it?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b>JG</b>: As a professor in biology at the University of Wisconsin-Madison,
I consulted on scientific and educational issues in several developing
countries—the Philippines, the United Arab Emirates, and Lebanon. I enjoyed
these trips, but they were not vacations. They were hard work and challenging.
On each assignment, I stumbled onto tidbits of information, which might have
been useful to individuals in the State Department. I never divulged or acted
on the secrets I learned, but I thought what if? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">In <b><i>Ignore the Pain</i></b>, the prequel to <i>Malignancy</i>, my heroine, Sara Almquist,
travels to Bolivia, for USAID to advise on public health problems. I’ve been to
Bolivia and tried to paint a realistic picture of the poverty, malnutrition
among children, and pollution from the silver mines. In the course of her work,
Sara learns way too much about the coca trade. I don’t want to give away the
plot, but she attracts the attention of U.S. State department officials.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">In 2013, I visited Cuba. The
tour guide claimed Cuban scientists had patented a drug for cancer. When I got
home, I found r</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">esearchers in Havana had patented a therapeutic
cancer vaccine, which was supposed to rev up patients’ own immune systems to
produce cells to slay certain lung cancer cells without injuring normal cells.
This patent suggests two aspects of change in Cuba. At least several Cuban
scientists are doing competitive science. The Cuban government recognized the
importance of commercialization of their research. In June 2014, the president
of AAAS (American Association for the Advancement of Science) requested the U.S.
government to sponsor scientific exchanges with Cuba. (</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">Editorial “in the journal <i>Science</i> on June 6, 2014</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">.)<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;">I thought: Wow! Sara Almquist, the epidemiologist
and heroine of <i>Ignore the Pain, </i>would
be the perfect protagonist to set up exchanges between scientists in the U.S.
and Cuba. Thus <b><i>Malignancy </i></b>was born.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 18.6666660308838px;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">IGM:</span></span><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 7.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></b><b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">How did you come up with the title?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"><b>JG: </b>I
wanted a title for my novel, <i>Malignancy</i>,
to suggest the importance of medical research to the plot. I also thought the
drug trade, from which Sara if fleeing, is a type of societal malignancy. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 18.6666660308838px;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">IGM:</span></span><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 7.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></b><b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">What gives you the most joy as a writer?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b>JG: </b>I enjoy the story telling process and feel real satisfaction
when I reread a section and know I’ve told a realistic and compelling incident.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">IGM: What is the hardest thing about writing?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b>JG: </b>Proofing the novel over and over again for typos and
inconsistencies.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">IGM: Tell a little about your process. Did you know how
it should end before you started?<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></b></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b>JG</b>: Before I began to write, I created about five pages of points
I wanted to include in <i>Malignancy</i>.
Accordingly, I knew part, but not all, of the conclusions of the book. I didn’t
know how the romantic part of the plot would be resolved.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">IGM: Pretend you are fielding a baseball team with your
favorite writers. List them by position. <o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">JG:</span></b></div>
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<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Pitcher: Wallace Stegner<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Outfielders with best batting averages: J. K. Rowling, Ernest
Hemingway, Ken Follett<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Catcher: Thomas Mann <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Basemen:
Michael Crichton, John Grisham. Fannie Flagg<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;">Shortstop:
</span><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Erich Maria Remarque<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<b><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 18.6666660308838px;"><span style="font-family: Times, serif;">IGM: That is a great lineup! I can see Stegner shaking off Mann's pessimistic signals. OK:</span></span><span style="color: windowtext; font-size: 7.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: Cambria; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-latin;"> </span></b><b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">Pretend your book is being made into a movie. What
actors would play the lead characters?</span></b><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> </span><span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="color: windowtext; font-family: "Times",serif; font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><br /></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b>JG</b>: Marcia Gay Hardin would be
the ideal Sara Almquist—tough, smart, and attractive but not gorgeous. I
patterned Xave Zack, Sara’s love interest, to be like the late Denis Farina.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;">IGM: Tell me more about <i>Malignancy</i> and <i>Ignore the Pain</i>.<o:p></o:p></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-size: 14.0pt; mso-bidi-font-size: 12.0pt;"><br /></span></b></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b>JG</b>: In <b><i>Malignancy</i></b>,
men disguised as police officers shoot at Sara Almquist twice in one day.
Albuquerque police suspect a drug czar, who Sara has tangled with several
times, will order more hits on Sara. Thus when colleagues in the State
Department invite Sara to arrange scientific exchanges between the U.S. and
Cuba, she jumps at the chance to get out of town </span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">and to see the mysterious Xave Zack</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">. Maybe, she should question their motives.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Georgia; mso-bidi-font-size: 11.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-size: 14.0pt;">In
<b><i>Ignore
the Pain</i></b>, Sara Almquist couldn’t say no when invited to be the
epidemiologist on a public health mission to assess children’s health in
Bolivia. Soon someone from her past is chasing her through the Witches’ Market
and churches of La Paz. Unfortunately, she can’t decide which of her new
colleagues, especially the shady Xave Zack, to trust as she learns more about the
coca trade than she ever wanted to know</span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;">.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin-bottom: .1pt; margin-left: 0in; margin-right: 0in; margin-top: .1pt;">
<i><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"><b>Malignancy</b></span></i><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> and <b><i>Ignore
the P</i>ain</b> are available (paperback and Kindle formats) at Amazon </span><a href="https://www.linkedin.com/redirect?url=http%3A%2F%2Famzn%2Ecom%2F1610091779&urlhash=IOi7&_t=tracking_disc" target="blank"><b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">http://amzn.com/1610091779</span></b></a><span class="text"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";"> and </span></span><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-font-size: 10.0pt; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;">http://amzn.com/1610091310 and at </span><span class="text"><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman";">Oak Tree Press: </span></span><b><span style="color: blue; font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial-BoldMT;">pressdept@oaktreebooks.com</span></b><b><span style="color: blue; mso-bidi-font-family: Arial-BoldMT;">.</span></b><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; font-size: 14.0pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<br /></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zucRfa4H1hg/VPny2iA9_GI/AAAAAAAAAEw/AR1PeOARMtk/s1600/Cover-%2BMalignancy%2B300.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: right; float: right; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-zucRfa4H1hg/VPny2iA9_GI/AAAAAAAAAEw/AR1PeOARMtk/s1600/Cover-%2BMalignancy%2B300.jpg" height="320" width="216" /></a><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IEtoM-7VJyg/VPnyoNz3fUI/AAAAAAAAAEo/tiGMoj99z30/s1600/Cover%2BIgnore%2Bthe%2BPain.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; float: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-IEtoM-7VJyg/VPnyoNz3fUI/AAAAAAAAAEo/tiGMoj99z30/s1600/Cover%2BIgnore%2Bthe%2BPain.jpg" height="320" width="213" /></a><span style="font-family: "Arial",sans-serif; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi;"> </span></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-85936603630614485652015-03-04T09:02:00.002-08:002015-03-04T09:02:45.769-08:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear International Guy of Mystery,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What can writers do to help fight terrorism? Besides write a
great novel about the topic like John LeCarre, which seems way hard.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Lazy in Lorraine, Oregon</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Dear Lazy in Lorraine,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
What a coincidence: I’ve just been recruited by a
London-based think tank for a top-secret communication mission that combats
this very issue. It is highly confidential in nature. My task, ironically, is
to try my best to write things to convince young people to join ISOL because,
as they say, “It’s cool.” It was described to me as a form of reverse
psychology. “You have your finger on the very pulse of banality,” I was told by
their agent, whose name must remain anonymous. Chest swelling, I asked, “Niles,
how can I help?”<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Niles Crenshaw asked me to help him flood the Internet with
cool-sounding posts, I guess as a way to entrap young people who might want to
be a terrorist if they’re having trouble finding a job or different things to
do. Here is a sample of a “rap” song I’ve begun for a music video:<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>I’m walking across the desert in my blazer and fez,</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
My Donald Duck dispenser keeps feeding me Pez,<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Yo, Yo, I think it’s real cool if you decide to join ISOL<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
But the camps are germy, Yo, so you better bring Lysol.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<br /></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p> </o:p>I told Niles that I want images of Bedouins on camels, Peter
O’Toole as Lawrence of Arabia somehow doing a kind of “break dance” on a flying
carpet, Jafar yelling at Iago from the Disney movie Aladdin, and an army of
Shriners in fezzes marching proudly across a football field at half-time. If
that wouldn’t appeal to young people, I just don’t know.</div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Anyway, that is how I’m using the mighty pen to fight the
sword of terror.<o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNormal">
Proudly,<o:p></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal">
International Guy of Mystery<o:p></o:p></div>
Anonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6880148575754026859.post-16534746933523101762015-02-27T09:57:00.001-08:002015-02-27T09:57:12.053-08:00<span style="font-size: x-large;">Ask an International Guy of Mystery</span><br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;"><br /></span>
Dear International Guy of Mystery,<br />
<br />
I think you would have to admit that the greatest mystery in the world is man and woman love. Why do we act like fools in love? How can we be torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool? Who wrote the doggone Book of Love, anyway, for Pete's sake? These questions haunt me.<br />
I value your advice, so please tell me what to do. I am in love with two men, John and George, but I can't decide which of them to marry. Please tell me who will be the lucky man.<br />
Confused in Coburg, Oregon<br />
<br />
Dear Confused in Coburg,<br />
<br />
You will marry George.<br />
<br />
John will be the lucky man.<br />
<br />
International Guy of MysteryAnonymoushttp://www.blogger.com/profile/12862236275314450145noreply@blogger.com0